So, I finally got The Primal Blueprint. When I first started reading Mark’s Daily Apple (almost a year ago now), I thought, “Hey. I might have to try this sometime.” Then, I promptly did not one damn thing about it…except for kicking my own ass about not doing anything about it.

Last week was rough for me. I mean, ROUGH. I felt so…stuck. I felt like nothing was ever going to change. I wasn’t losing weight, despite my efforts to keep my calories at 1600 or less/day. I tried to quit smoking yet again, and I failed. YET AGAIN. Despite all my couponing, money is still tight.

I mean, it just seemed like all this shit I’ve been doing is having ZERO impact on my life, and WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF KILLING MYSELF IF IT DOESN’T EVEN WORK?!? I knew SOMETHING had to give, or I was going to go batshit crazy. Okay, MORE batshit crazy.

So, I figured I’d give The Primal Blueprint a shot. I mean, what did I have to lose? A few hours of my time, at the worst, right? I wasn’t COMMITTING to anything - just reading a book.

YOU. GUYS. YOUGUYS! I’m reading this book, and he’s describing how eating lots of grains, lots of processed sugars, etc. impacts the body, and as I’m reading I’m like, “Holy shit. I didn’t even know!” I mean, some stuff I knew from reading other low carb diet books. (For the record, PB is NOT a low carb diet exactly…but I’ll explain that another time.)

But the stuff he was saying about grains specifically? Wow. I had no idea that this stuff was killing me. Oh, I see you telling yourself I’m being dramatic. Except I’m totally not. My BMI is well over 25 (the high end of “normal”). My blood pressure is teetering on the edge of being high. My cholesterol…well, let’s not even talk about that, okay? So yes, grains (and loads of other garbage) were killing me.

Wait! There’s more. Not only does this stuff fuck around with your digestion, weight management, etc, it can slow down your thyroid. Let me repeat, because this is so important to me - IT CAN SLOW DOWN YOUR THYROID. So all this time, I’ve been complaining about my thyroid, and it’s like, “Der, bitch. Stop kicking my ass with your crappy diet.”

So I’m reading this, and that very moment I decide I’m going to “go Primal.” That was five days ago, and I’ve been grain-free the entire time. Frankly, I haven’t even wanted any of the stuff I “can’t” have, and that is a HUGE change from my previous attempts at going low carb. (Again, PB isn’t exactly low carb, but that’s tomorrow’s post, so for now, just trust me.)

In the past, I’ve obsessed over how I’ll never have bread or pasta or whatever again. Now? I don’t even want that stuff. No, really! I’m totally serious! I think probably, at this point, it’s because I feel SO. MUCH. BETTER. that I can’t imagine eating stuff that’s going to derail that.

Probably you want to know in what ways I feel better, so I’ll tell you…after a serious TMI warning. I AM ABOUT TO OVERSHARE WITH YOU. I AM GOING TO OFFER WHAT IS LIKELY TO BE WAYYYYYYYYY TMI FOR SOME OF YOU. TURN BACK NOW, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ ABOUT DIGESTIVE ISSUES.

So, okay, probably the first thing I noticed was that I haven’t been having gas and diarrhea like “normal.” (How fucked up is it that I considered bloating, gas, diarrhea NORMAL??!?) Before PB, I figured I just had IBS, and I was stuck with it. Nope, turns out I’m “gluten sensitive.” (Which…probably more of us are than not. Grain is a relatively new introduction to our diets, evolution-wise. But go read PB! He explains it WAY better than I do.)

Another thing I’ve noticed is my energy levels are going up. I’m not going to tell you I hop out of bed and feel ready to run a marathon or anything, but I do feel MORE energetic. My day isn’t spent counting down to the next time I can go to sleep.

So yeah, cutting out grains has been awesome for me. Today is my first day without processed sugars, and I’m kind of excited about it. I mean, if I feel this great ditching grains, how great will ditching sugar be?

The part that’s kind of making me…edgy is that I won’t have my morning coffee anymore. I don’t mind giving up all the other sugary stuff, but I do love me a Caribou Coffee turtle mocha. (I make them here at home.) Since I’m also giving up artificial sweeteners, I won’t be having soda, either.

On the other hand, there’s no one saying I can’t occasionally indulge. (In fact, Mr. Sisson recommends ways to indulge. Look for “Sensible Vices” on his blog.) Plus, if I find I really can’t go caffeine-free yet, tea is a good option. Mmm…tea and honey…

ANYWAY. I thought I’d share with you guys. Okay, let me stop lying. That wasn’t the only reason - I also want to keep track of my progress. Hopefully, in a year or so, I can be one of the Before&After people. lolol.

So what about you guys? Are you trying anything new, diet-wise?

P.S. If this stuff interests you, tomorrow’s post is why PB isn’t a low carb diet exactly. And exercise stuff. Probably the day after that will be regular bullshit for those of you who do not care about what I eat or how I move my fat ass. Heh.