Mondays are for miscellany…and less awesome memories.
So, this weekend, I realized that I had done my best friend a disservice. I’d told her about stretch marks and hip pain and morning (noon & night) sickness and how much labor sucks, but I didn’t tell her that there were times when I really questioned my decision to have kids.
I might have mentioned a time or two that I envied her because she was kid-free, but we never had a serious conversation about the times when my kids were newborns that I thought, “Why? WHY DID I DO THIS?” and immediately felt like the WORST. MOTHER. EVER.
I never told her about the times I was really and truly ANGRY with the baby. (And I say “the baby” because it happened ALL THREE TIMES.) I didn’t tell her there were times I resented the hell out of the baby because he or she was robbing me of precious, precious sleep.
I never told her how utterly and completely lonely I was during the first few months of their lives because when they’re newborns, your life is babybabybaby and snatching sleep when you can. You watch your friends all go on with their lives, and you’re in this rut of babybabysleepbabybaby where it feels like the world is passing you by completely.
The worst is that for those first few weeks, babies are all take, no give. You don’t get any smiles or cooing or anything. You get crying and pooping and eating and sleeping. So, you’re busting your ass to make life perfect for this kid, and HE IS NOT EVEN SMILING OR ANYTHING.
Why didn’t I tell her about this stuff? I don’t know, except that parts of it I’d forgotten until now when talking with her. Parts of it? Well, it’s shameful for a mother to feel that way, isn’t it? I mean, NORMAL women have a baby, and it’s magic and rainbows and sunshine-y loveydovey times 24/7, right?
Except the part where it’s not at all like that really. I think everyone has moments like that, no matter how old their kids are, but it’s the WORST with newborns, especially your first, because no matter how prepared you think you are, you are completely NOT PREPARED. No one can tell you what it’s like really; it’s just something you have to experience.
But take heart, dearest new mothers, it does get better. I’m not going to tell you it gets EASIER - that is a big, fat lie. You will always be challenged. Your child is always going to be work. However, once you’re sleeping again, and once you see that baby’s face LIGHT UP when he spots you, it doesn’t seem so bad.
Until then, sniff the top of the baby’s head and enjoy this as much as you can (which I know seems hard) because all too quickly, your squalling, fussy, sleepless newborn goes from this:
to this:
Mondays are for miscellany…and less awesome memories.
So, this weekend, I realized that I had done my best friend a disservice. I’d told her about stretch marks and hip pain and morning (noon & night) sickness and how much labor sucks, but I didn’t tell her that there were times when I really questioned my decision to have kids.
I might have mentioned a time or two that I envied her because she was kid-free, but we never had a serious conversation about the times when my kids were newborns that I thought, “Why? WHY DID I DO THIS?” and immediately felt like the WORST. MOTHER. EVER.
I never told her about the times I was really and truly ANGRY with the baby. (And I say “the baby” because it happened ALL THREE TIMES.) I didn’t tell her there were times I resented the hell out of the baby because he or she was robbing me of precious, precious sleep.
I never told her how utterly and completely lonely I was during the first few months of their lives because when they’re newborns, your life is babybabybaby and snatching sleep when you can. You watch your friends all go on with their lives, and you’re in this rut of babybabysleepbabybaby where it feels like the world is passing you by completely.
The worst is that for those first few weeks, babies are all take, no give. You don’t get any smiles or cooing or anything. You get crying and pooping and eating and sleeping. So, you’re busting your ass to make life perfect for this kid, and HE IS NOT EVEN SMILING OR ANYTHING.
Why didn’t I tell her about this stuff? I don’t know, except that parts of it I’d forgotten until now when talking with her. Parts of it? Well, it’s shameful for a mother to feel that way, isn’t it? I mean, NORMAL women have a baby, and it’s magic and rainbows and sunshine-y loveydovey times 24/7, right?
Except the part where it’s not at all like that really. I think everyone has moments like that, no matter how old their kids are, but it’s the WORST with newborns, especially your first, because no matter how prepared you think you are, you are completely NOT PREPARED. No one can tell you what it’s like really; it’s just something you have to experience.
But take heart, dearest new mothers, it does get better. I’m not going to tell you it gets EASIER - that is a big, fat lie. You will always be challenged. Your child is always going to be work. However, once you’re sleeping again, and once you see that baby’s face LIGHT UP when he spots you, it doesn’t seem so bad.
Until then, sniff the top of the baby’s head and enjoy this as much as you can (which I know seems hard) because all too quickly, your squalling, fussy, sleepless newborn goes from this:
to this:
Posted 1 year ago & Filed under babies grow up so fast, motherhood is hard, Mondays are for miscellany, Notes
